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How to Win Friends and Influence People PDF
How to win friends and influence peoples summery
Someone rightly said, influencing any person and getting them to work is an art… and with the help of the principles given in this book, you will learn this art.
By knowing these principles, not only can you increase your self-confidence, but you can also learn how to influence people in a positive way.
Whether you are a student, a businessman or you want to be famous among your friends. By giving a little time and practicing these principles, you can easily get any work done by the people around you.
So let’s first talk about those fundamental techniques, with which you can easily control people.
Principle 1 – Don’t criticize, condemn or complain
That is, do not criticize, criticize and complain about people in bitter words.
Principle 1 tells us that before criticizing or criticizing any person, we should try to understand that person why that person behaves in this way and what is the reason behind it?
To be honest, it will be more beneficial than criticizing and criticizing because by doing this the feeling of being tolerant of that person as well as us is awakened.
This principle was also adopted by the great Abraham Lincoln himself. Once, while sharing his experience, he said that earlier I used to criticize my opponents a lot, but once an opponent was upset by his criticism and threatened to kill him with a sword,
Since then Abraham Lincoln got scared, and he stopped criticizing anyone directly.
Not only this… Lincoln himself says that he started giving the same advice to others that criticizing directly can be harmful. That’s why we should always behave properly.
Principle 2 – Give honest and sincere appreciation.
That is, praise the person in front with complete honesty and good intentions.
There is also a way by which we can get anything done by any human being and the second principle teaches that how we can be successful in doing this if we praise a person wholeheartedly and sincerely. Its impression does not leave from the heart and mind of that person for the rest of his life.
He always cherishes this appreciation of yours and in such a situation it becomes imperative that he listens to what you have to say, and likes you.
For example, the manager of the construction site had to face a big problem when the workers would obey him and put on safety head gear/helmet in front of him….But he would remove that helmet as soon as he left.
In such a situation, that manager took a different approach. This time he very lovingly told the laborers that do they not like these helmets? Or is their fitting bad? If it is not so, then they should wear these helmets,
Because it is made for their safety only. They do not want their precious laborers to get hurt. On hearing this, the workers started wearing helmets daily from that time itself, and this method of that manager came in handy.
Principle 3 – To create curiosity in the mind of another person i.e. to inspire or encourage people positively.
This is a very simple example, when you have a very strong idea, then never let people think that that idea is yours, but dissolve it very intelligently in the minds of people so that they feel that this idea is not only yours. But it is theirs too.
By doing this, people will prove to be more helpful by considering it as their plan. We can use this psychological thinking very easily in our professional life.
Author Dale Carnegie, sharing his own experience, tells that once at the Brooklyn Institute of Arts and Science, he wanted to invite very successful writers to guest lecture for the students.
The problem was that all the writers were very busy, so Dell arrived for some time and together with 150 students wrote a letter and sent it to these writers.
On reading this letter, all these busy writers had left their respective countries and reached Brooklyn to give a speech. After all, what was written in that letter?
Actually Dell took advantage of this principle. That letter was signed by all 150 students, and requested those writers that if great writers like him take their time to teach them, then it will be a matter of pride for those students.
Brother, reading such a letter will melt anyone. So these were some tricks to subdue the people around you. Now we hope that you too will strengthen your social skills dealing with people.
You will also believe that any person does the work of that person or obeys the person whom they like.
Then let’s also listen to you about those techniques, with the help of which people will start liking you.
Principle 1 – Become genuinely interested in other people.
i.e. showing genuine interest in people
If you want people to like you, and if you want to establish true friendship, then always keep this principle in mind.
If we want to be a true friend of someone, then we have to invest our time as well as our mind for them diligently and keep our selfishness aside.
A very good example of which is that when we start a friendship with someone and if at this initial time we talk in his mother’s language, then that person likes us more. Now by this we do not mean at all that you should mix yes in people’s yes.
For example, what could be the secret of any successful business interview?
Former Harvard President W. According to Eliot, there is no big secret behind a successful business interview. There’s only one thing you have to do here, and that’s listening very closely to the person in front of you.
Show great interest in them, because if you give importance to them, then they also start giving you tremendous response.
Principle 2 – Remember, for any person his/her name is most important no matter what language it is taken in
For every human being his own name is most important. Otherwise everyone wants to make their name bright.
The famous writer Shakespeare has eloquently said, “What’s in a name?” That is, “What’s in a name?”
But sir probably forgot that the most important thing for every human being is his name, because we are different from each other only because of the name.
Name is the identity of every person and if we call a person by his name then it proves to be more effective, and you can try this principle with the class below you. Like a drawer, waiter or peon.
Everyone likes to hear their name.
Principle 3 – Talk about the interest of another person.
If we want to talk with someone for a long time without getting bored, then we have to remember this principle that we should talk about the interest of that person.
This will make the conversation of both of you more fun and will go on for a long time.
For example, if we meet a person for the first time and keep talking only about ourselves, then it will show that the interest of that person is gradually decreasing.
But if we talk about his interest with that person, then along with you that person will enjoy talking to you.
Now as William Lyon, a literature professor, tells that when he was 10 years old, he used to spend weekends with his aunt.
One evening a middle-aged man came to visit his aunt, and after spending some time with his aunt, he focused all his attention on little William.
At that time he was very interested in boats, so those guests also started talking to him about boats. He was having a lot of fun talking to the man,
And as soon as he left from there, little William started praising him with his aunt. But he was shocked when his aunt told him that the man was a lawyer in New York,
And he was not really interested in bots, he was just trying to talk to you and he was listening to you with such interest because he is a very nice person.
Principle 6 – Give importance to people and make them feel that they are special.
As we told in principle 5 that it is very important to awaken the interest of another person and this is possible by talking about the interest of that person,
And now this principle tells us that it is equally important to prove that person special. It is very important that our words make the other person feel that he means a lot to us. This will deepen the relationship between you and that person.
You will understand this principle clearly from this short story –
One day David was driving some of his drunken friends home safely in his car after a party late at night. But then despite seeing the sign board, David deliberately took the wrong turn and then he was stopped by a traffic police officer,
He asked David “Do you know why I stopped you?” Now if David had given a rude reply to the traffic police like the rest of the people in this situation, he would have been trapped,
But David very wisely and honestly accepted his mistake and at the same time said, “Forgive me sir, I know that I have made a mistake and even after seeing the sign board I took a wrong turn, whatever the penalty.” Yes I am ready to fill. Thank you very much for doing your duty. The country only needs a police officer like you.
Now hearing this as if David had mixed honey in the ears of the police officer. He not only forgave David, but also praised the responsibility of returning his license and taking his drunk friends home safely. And from there let them go without fine. Brother, wow David!!!
So friends, now that you have known all these principles very well, then practice them and see how people around you will start liking you.
How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
After subduing the people and becoming the favorite of the people, now we will know how people can be won by our thinking.
Principle 1 – There is only one way a great debate can be won and that is by ignoring it.
आखिरकार हम इस निश्चय पर आ चुके है कि दुनिया में किसी भी बहस का सबसे बढ़िया नतीजा पाने के लिए क्या करना चाहिए और वो है उस बहस को टाल देना।
किसी भी बहस की उसी तरह टाल देना चाहिए जिस तरह हम किसी नशेडी या शराबी को टाल देते है।
क्योंकि आम तौर पर कोई भी बहस एक ही नोट पर ख़त्म होती है और वो है असहमति। क्योंकि 10 में से 9 लोग बहस के बाद इस बात पर और भी ज्यादा यकीन करने लगते है की उनका मानना और उनकी सोच सही है,
और इससे आपस में और भी ज्यादा मत-भेद पैदा हो जाते है। इसलिए बेहतर यही है कि इससे बचा जाए।
उसूल 2 –दुसरो की सलाह की इज्ज़त करो, ये कभी ना कहें कि “तुम गलत हो”
हम किसी की बुराई सीधे-सीधे नहीं कर सकते। ऐसा करने से हम किसी को अपना दुश्मन खुद बना सकते है। क्योंकि बहुत कम लोग ऐसे है जो अपनी बुराई सुनना पसंद करते है।
किसी को ये कहना की वो गलत है उसे बुरा महसूस करने पर मजबूर कर सकता है बल्कि आप ये कह सकते है कि कैसे वो अपनी खामियों को दूर कर सकते है।
उदाहरण के लिए सोचिये कि आप एक कंपनी के मैनेज़र है, और कंपनी में इंसेंटिव्स देने का एक नया सिस्टम लाना चाहते है। तो आप अपने सिस्टम को किस तरह पेश करेंगे?
ज़्यादातर लोग ये बताते है कि कंरट सिस्टम में कहाँ खामियां है और फिर अपने नए आईडिया को डिफेंड या प्रोमोट करने में जुट जाते है।
लेकिन ये एक गलत रास्ता है। मीटिंग में सबसे पहले ये पूछना ज्यादा बेहतर रहेगा कि सभी के मुताबिक ऑन-गोइंग सिस्टम में क्या-क्या दिक्कते है।
फिर अपने आईडियाज़ को सामने रखते हुए उनके विचार जाने। इस तरह से ना सिर्फ आपके आईडिया को स्वीकार किया जाएगा बल्कि उसमे सभी काफी दिलचस्पी लेंगे।
उसूल 3 – अगर आप गलत है तो तुरंत ही अपनी गलती को मानकर माफ़ी मांगे लेना आपके लिए फायदेमंद रहेगा।
जब हम किसी बात में सही होते है तो हमारे अन्दर एक अलग ही आत्मविश्वास होता है जो हमारी बातो में और हमारे स्वभाव में साफ-साफ देखा जा सकता है।
लेकिन जब हम किसी बात में गलत होते है तो हमारा आत्मविश्वास गिर जाता है और साथ में हम अपना बचाव करने की भी कोशिश करते है।
लेकिन हमें ये उसूल ध्यान में रखना होगा कि जब कभी हम गलत होते है तो हमें तुरंत ही उसे स्वीकार कर लेना चाहिए। ये बात हमारे पूर्वज हमेशा से ही कहते आ रहे है कि अपनी गलती मानने से कोई छोटा नहीं होता,
और ये बात हमें ये उसूल भी सिखाती है कि हमें अपनी गलती को स्वीकार कर लेना चाहिए। क्योंकि गलती करने के बाद उसका बचाव करने से ज्यादा फायदेमंद ये है कि अपनी गलती को मुस्कुराहट के साथ मान ले।
इसका सीधा उदाहरण लेखक डेल कार्नेज ने अपनी निजी जिंदगी में हुए वाकये को बांटते हुए इस किताब में बताया है। डेल ने बताया कि वो अपने पालतू कुत्ते को घुमाने जंगल में ले जाते थे।
क्योंकि जंगल के आस-पास कोई भी नहीं होता था इसलिए वो उसे जंजीर से नहीं बांधते थे। लेकिन एक दिन एक पुलिस इन्स्पेक्टर ने उन्हें इस तरह देख लिया और लेखक को जमकर डांठ लगाई साथ ही साथ यह भी कह दिया कि अगली बार अगर उन्होंने उनके पालतू कुत्ते को खुले-आम देखा तो वो उन्हें अदालत में ले जायेंगे।
अब कुछ दिनों तक तो डेल कार्नेगी ने पुलिस मेन की बात मानकर अपने पालतू कुत्ते को जंजीर से बांधकर रखा ताकि आस-पास के लोग और बाकी छोटे जानवर सुरक्षित रहे लेकिन एक दिन फिर से डेल ने अपने कुत्ते को अपनी जंजीर से नहीं बाँधा और इस बार दुबारा उसी इंस्पेक्टर ने डेल को देख लिया।
लेकिन इससे पहले की इंस्पेक्टर कुछ बोल पाते लेखक डेल ने खुद ही अपनी गलती मानते हुए उसने कह दिया कि – माफ़ कीजिये मैने दुबारा आपकी बात नहीं मानी। मै कितना गैर-जिम्मेदार हूँ।
ये सुनते ही पुलिस ऑफिसर पिघल गया। उन्होंने कहा – अरे, कोई बात नहीं इतने प्यारे कुत्ते को बाँधने का आखिर किसका मन करेगा? लेकिन फिर भी डेल अपनी गलती के लिए माफ़ी मांग रहे थे, और पुलिस ऑफिसर ने उन्हें माफ़ कर दिया वो भी बिना कुछ कहे।
तो देखा दोस्तों, डेल की यही बात हमें सिखाती है कि अपनी गलती मान लेने से मसला आसान हो जाता है, और हमें ज्यादा तकलीफ का सामना नहीं करना पड़ता।
उसूल 8 – सामने वाले व्यक्ति की सोच समझे
कई बार हमारी नजरो में एक इंसान काफी गलत होता है लेकिन हमारी सोच से ठीक पर उस इन्सान के मन में ये भाव होते है कि वो बिलकुल सही है।
यही होती है अपनी-अपनी सोच, जो ज़रूरी नहीं कि हम सब की एक जैसी हो। हमें अपने आप को उनकी जगह पर रख कर सोचने की कोशिश करनी चाहिए तभी हम उन्हें बेहतर तरीके से समझने में कामयाब हो पायेंगे,
और शायद इस कहानी से आप इस प्रिंसिपल को थोडा बेहतर समझ पाएंगे। श्रीमान कार्टर अपनी पत्नी को हमेशा एक बात के लिए ताने कसते थे कि आखिर वो सारा समय बगीचे में पौधो को सवारने में क्यों बिताती है।
श्रीमान कार्टर की बातो से परेशान होने के बाद भी श्रीमती कार्टर उन्हें कुछ नहीं कहती लेकिन एक लम्बे समय के बाद सोच विचार कर आखिरकार श्री कार्टर को अपनी गलती का एहसास हुआ।
उन्हें पता चला कि उनकी पत्नी को बागवानी करना कितना पसंद था और ये कि उन्ही की वजह से श्रीमान कार्टर का बगीचा सबसे बढ़िया था।
लेकिन अपनी पत्नी की तारीफ करने के बजाए वो उन्हें डाठा करते। आखिरकार श्रीमान कार्टर ने बगीचे में व्यस्त अपनी पत्नी से माफ़ी मांगी और उनकी तारीफ़ करते हुए उनके साथ बगीचे में समय भी बिताया।
कुछ इस तरह श्रीमान कार्टर ने अपनी पत्नी के विचारों को समझा और अपनी जिंदगी बेहतर बनाई।
उसूल 10– हमेशा एक अच्छे और नेक कारण को ध्यान में रखे।
आम तौर पर लोग 2 तरीके से प्रतिक्रिया देते है। एक जो उनका मन कहता है और दूसरा जो उन्हें ठीक लगता है।
इन दोनों बातो में फर्क है, लोगो का उस रास्ते को चुनना ज्यादा आसान होता है जो उन्हें सही लगे।
लेकिन असलियत में एक अच्छा इन्सान हमेशा इस बात का ख्याल रखता है कि उसके किसी भी बर्ताव से लोगो पर क्या असर होगा।
यानी वो अपने इस महान लक्ष्य को कभी नहीं भूलता, और यही बात ज़ाहिर तौर पर उसके लिए फायदेमंद होती है।
उसूल 11 – अपने सभी आईडियाज़ को बड़े ही ज़बरदस्त तरीके से पेश करे।
Sometimes just telling the truth is not enough. You also have to spice things up a bit with the truth and make your truth or your thinking even more fun.
You have to present yourself in a very dramatic way like a showman. Only then can you attract attention.
Many times we adopt different strategies to explain some things because we know that it will not be enough to say in clear words.
Just like we see in films, no matter how simple a true story may be, but the filmmaker has to adopt a dramatic form to reach it to his audience, in the same way it becomes necessary to dramatize our thinking.
Something similar was done by Indiana’s Katherine Williams, who was having trouble with her job and wanted to share it with her boss.
But didn’t find it. His boss was postponing his meeting with him due to his busy schedule and neither his secretary was answering properly.
A week was about to pass by and Katherine needed an answer. Eventually he wrote a note to his boss that contained a formal letter.
“I know how busy you are because of your schedule but please give me this form by filling in the 2 blanks. First on what date are you meeting me and secondly how much time will you give me.
Seeing this, Katherine’s boss was impressed and she immediately had a meeting with Katherine, after which their problem was finally resolved.
Principle 12 – Challenge people in a positive way so that they can do their best.
Fredrik, a very big behavioral scientist, has tried to know from his years of research that what is the motivational factor for a worker working in a small factory to a senior executive of a large company?
Fredrik tried to know from thousands of laborers from where they get encouragement, in which he also mentioned three things. Salary, comfortable working place or whatever.
When the results of this research came out, they were shocking to Fredrik. Because the results were such.
In fact, people were encouraged the most by their work itself, which made it clear that more people were affected by their work than by more salary and good working environment.
From this it is clear that if someone’s work is fun and interesting, then people work more diligently, and they do not need anything else to be encouraged.
And at the same time, people themselves work hard to improve themselves more so that they can stay in the competition and improve themselves further.
Because when it comes to the challenge, people work hard to stay in the challenge and prove themselves.
Being a leader is a great quality. Whose understanding is needed by every person.
So let’s know how we can change people without provoking or getting angry.
Principle 1 – Praise people with complete honesty.
If we start our day with praise and appreciation, then we see a different glow in the behavior of any person.
Like we go to our office early in the morning and meet our co-workers and if we have to meet with them with great warmth, then their mood along with you remains fine throughout the day.
If we talk about something in praise of someone, then this thing is remembered for a long time and it strengthens the relationship between you and that person even more.
For example, if you are meeting someone for the first time and you do not know how to talk to them or in what subject, then first of all, after looking carefully at that person.
They should be praised for some special thing or work.
By doing this, that person not only starts feeling comfortable with you but also likes you. That is, two targets with one arrow.
Principle 2 – Mistakes happen the most, you tell their mistakes but indirectly so that they do not feel bad.
Difficulties increase when we have to tell someone their flaws, or when we have to criticize someone.
We learn from this principle that whenever we have to do this, always remember this thing that it is important to praise any person before criticizing them.
First tell that person what are his qualities. By doing this, that person feels less bad. If we tell someone’s evil or his flaws directly, then in such a situation the possibility of considering him as bad increases.
For example, John was passing by one of his steel companies, when he saw some workers there smoking just below the no smoking board.
But instead of scolding them directly, John handed them each cigar and said “I would love if you all smoked these cigars but go out”.
Those laborers understood what their mistake was. Brother, who wouldn’t like such a person?
Principle 4 – It is better to ask questions than to give direct orders.
If we really want to make a separate identity for ourselves and want to show ourselves apart from the crowd among the people, then this principle matters a lot.
Because with the help of this principle, we can learn how we can raise ourselves as a leader.
The most important thing in this is that we can question someone better than ordering them directly.
Like for example – once the manager of a small factory was worried about how he and the workers in his factory would fulfill their customers’ orders on time.
So at such a critical time, instead of ordering his employees to work harder, the manager called all the employees and held a meeting with them,
And asked some questions to everyone, after which the result that came out was really commendable.
The manager asked the employees “How can we handle this order?” After this the manager did some more
Asked questions like “Can anyone give some suggestion on how to execute this order?”
“Is there any way we can manage the time and fulfill the order?
Now one after the other, different types of suggestions started coming from all the employees, which made it much easier to complete the work.
Where earlier only the manager was concerned about fulfilling the order, now all the employees together made this responsibility their own and everyone’s attitude was changed to “we can accomplish this together”,
And something similar happened. The order was completed on time. Now the thing to be understood in this is that if the manager had ordered his employees in the beginning that the work has to be completed on time in any case, then perhaps it would not have been possible to do so,
But the manager, showing understanding, met his employees and asked some questions and the result was in front.
In the same way, by adopting this principle, you can inculcate an important quality of becoming a leader in yourself.
Principle 5 – Increase self-esteem of others.
If a person ever falls from his own eyes, then it is the most frustrating for that person and that person takes a lot of time to get out of it.
Making a person feel small is like destroying that person’s confidence. Because in the end it is not important for a person that who thinks about him, but it is more important for every human being that what he himself thinks about himself.
For example, a 10-year-old child was fond of singing, but his teacher demotivates him by saying that he should not sing because his voice is ugly.
But the mother of that 10-year-old child does not give up. She encourages him, compliments him on every effort he makes. It was this child who was one day called the King of Opera Singing, Enrico Caruso.
Principle 6 – Even a small improvement deserves praise.
By adopting this principle in real life, you can not only improve a person, but you can completely change that person, you can completely rejuvenate that person,
And it starts with a very small improvement and appreciation. If we appreciate and appreciate the qualities of a person, then it helps in improving even more for that person to a great extent.
It is very important to understand one thing that more people are affected by their appreciation than criticism. Because he believes in them that they can really do it.
With the help of this principle, 4th grade teacher Mrs. Hopkin corrected the most mischievous student of the school named Tommy.
On the very first day of class, Mrs. Hopkins praised all the kids and as it was Tommy’s turn, Mrs. Hopkins said to Tommy “Tommy you are a born leader and you are the one who helped me make this class the best class this year.” will do it”.
Since that time, Tommy seems to have changed. He was becoming a better student with every improvement, thanks to Mrs. Hopkins.
Principle 7 – Encourage people, inspire them.
If you directly tell someone that they do not have the ability to do the work and you do not trust them, then you will never see improvement in that person because you will strangle all possibilities by saying so yourself.
But if you show that person that you trust him completely and you believe that he can improve himself, then you will see a wonderful change in that person because that person will first be forced to believe that in fact He has some ability and second he will try his best not to let you down.
Mr. Gomes, the owner of the store, told that there was one such employee in his store who never used to do price tagging work properly, due to which there was a lot of confusion and customer complaints also increased.
When repeated calls did not affect the employee, one day Mr. Gomes called him into the cabin and made him the supervisor of the entire store’s price tagging.
Now it may sound childish to you, but that employee showed tremendous improvement after that and also performed his responsibilities well.
So you have seen how this is an effective way to motivate someone, so that the quality of leadership within you comes out even more.
Principle 9 – Remember, when any person does the work you say, then do it happily and do it with full heart.
If you have to get any work done by someone, then you should first get your work done with his will and keep in mind that he should be happy to do this work.
Dale Carnegie, the author of this book himself, admits this.
In a statement, he had said, “There is no doubt in the fact that with the right approach and the right intention, a person can very easily influence the people around him and can also make a lot of friends.. but from any human being Getting his work done against his will is not the mark of a good person at all.”
So friends, it would be wrong to some extent to believe that after trying all these principles and approaches, you will get the same result that you wish for, because you can never measure who will behave like a person, because every human being in his/her own way. You are different.
But keeping in mind the experiences of most people, it would not be wrong to say that you can bring a change in the attitude of people with all these principles and your approach.
If you succeed even 10% in using all these principles, then you can become a very good leader.
Friends, there are more such principles in this book and we recommend you that you must read this entire book.